This post is for anyone who is lost and dejected after failing one of the Step exams.
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First, I’m sorry that you’re going through this. The path to becoming a doctor is long and hard, but there’s something unique about high-stakes testing that adds stress and uncertainty.
I know this may sound a little odd/dramatic, but I think dealing with a big testing disappointment is ultimately the same as any other grieving process. The world today isn’t the world you wanted to live in, and it takes some time to bridge the gap between where you thought you were and where you currently are. The silver lining is that–unlike losing a loved one or a serious injury–you can still get back on the path.
At the same time, while it would be nice to get the failure notice and be able to immediately double down into an amazingly efficient targeted revision process for your next attempt, you’re also a human being. You’re a human being who deserves to grieve.
Maybe you won’t go through the classic stages of grief like denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and ultimately acceptance. But you might, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just because there are so many worse things in the world doesn’t magically make this experience not suck. Don’t add insult to injury and beat yourself up for being acutely sad.
(On a related note, I think this would also be a good time to take a serious look at your media diet)
Once you have the timeline for your next attempt and know your school schedule, it’s time to be systematic about how to use that time effectively. That should absolutely include some time initially to reset psychologically. For a week or two, make specific time and force yourself to do some things that you enjoy and find centering. You need a less heavy heart to remember why you are on this pathway and why you’re willing to work hard to get to your destination. You can’t only punish yourself for this disappointment with things that rub salt in the wound.
Next, it’s time to analyze your current performance abilities for areas of weakness, both subject matter and testing approach (see below). It may be tempting to add a bunch of new resources or completely change how you study. In some cases that may be the right choice, particularly if you haven’t been incorporating enough questions or have never heard of spaced repetition, but for many people the answer is doubling down on a limited number of high-yield resources and not breadth. If you were close to passing, you probably don’t need to reinvent the wheel.
You do need to prioritize your mental and physical health (trite but true). Diet, exercise, and sleep are huge performance factors that you have a lot of control over.
The bottom line is that you are allowed to feel sad, and you’re allowed to mourn for the world where your pathway to becoming a doctor was smooth and straightforward and where you never need to question yourself or prepare a story for others. It’s something you can and absolutely will deal with, but there’s no reason to pretend that you don’t deserve to be bummed. That’s just toxic positivity. It does suck, and it is a bummer.
But you also need to believe that you will absolutely get past this. It’s a hurdle. And hurdles are meant to be overcome.
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For further test-taking reading: